9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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