She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
