"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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