Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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