I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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