im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
