I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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