I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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