Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
