Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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