Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
