I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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