That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
