Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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