I hate your face
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
