Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
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don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
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Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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