im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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