i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
