Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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