He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Damn victory sex feels great
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
