everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
