im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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