Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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