As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
