so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
