I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
