her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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