I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
