if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
