smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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