hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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