if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
