your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
