Tell her she can't have a vagina
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
