I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
