Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
