I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i love accidental penises.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
