Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
