I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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