dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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