yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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