census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize