So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
