apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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