I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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