That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
