I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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