soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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