quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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