Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
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I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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