K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
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I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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