The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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