I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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