fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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