Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
