wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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