You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Welp...herpes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
