All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
