thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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