Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
