Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
