remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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