Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
