I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
