Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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