You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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