i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
