he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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