It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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