Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
