Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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