So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
