i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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