I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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